You Hold the Key
The struggle lasted for many years; more than half my life by the time I found my way out. As a young child I did believe that my life was entirely normal and every girl grew up that way. The older I got and the more aware I became, I realized that my normal may not be so for everyone. That’s when the pain and shame set in, settling deeper and deeper over time. Then one day I realized that I was unique and no one else would understand. How wrong that thought!
After stuffing pain for years a sort of paralysis set in and I felt I had become an emotional cripple. Still believing the lie that no one would be able to relate and understand, I let the pain sink into my depths until it became one with me, and I became incapable of feeling anything.
When my children came along I just wanted to be a loving mother and give them all the affection and emotional support they needed; all that I had craved as a child. The only problem was I felt at a loss since I, myself, felt so incapable and empty. I began to cry out to God and ask Him to take away the pain so that I could be all I needed to be for my children.
Do you believe God hears and answers? I have no doubt he heard me that time and many more times after that!
This began a journey of significance for me; it seemed that every time I picked up a magazine and read an article it spoke to my problem and answered a question that was burning in me at the time. Every time I was introduced to a new book it seemed to point right to my need and address my personal issues. I would be watching television and a talk show or documentary would deal with whatever was troubling me. I must say that during this time a battle was raging inside of me; talk about it to a trusted person and lighten the load or keep my mouth shut and allow the pressure to build and inevitably blow! My family stood by and loved me unconditionally, although I made it an almost daily challenge for them. This simply served as a reminder of how my Heavenly Father pours His unconditional love on me and I was humbled by it!
One amazing day when the feelings of hopelessness were almost overwhelming, I ‘accidentally’ flipped to a channel where someone was talking about the need to forgive those who have hurt us.
No, you don’t need to wait for an apology or request for forgiveness; you don’t even have to feel like forgiving the perpetrator(s). It’s a choice you make, then you act on it! In no way is this condoning any wrong committed against you, but it frees the person doing the forgiving. Now, this was not an entirely new concept for me, having heard it preached and taught many times. However, this time my heart was ready, willing and able to make that choice. Then in a very physical manner I went about the actions of ‘burying’ the proverbial hatchet. As the speaker stated repeatedly ‘You hold the key to your own freedom’.
I cannot describe the sensation of being released within myslef and only my life has shown the full result since then. I AM FREE! Nothing can ever convince me otherwise. I read in the Bible where Jesus Himself said ‘Whom the Son sets free is free indeed’. I have no doubt that God heard my desperate plea and sent all I needed into my life at just the right time gently leading me to the place where I was ready to make the right choice when faced with a decision. Now I just want to see others in the midst of a similar struggle see victory in their lives and experience the fullness of joy that comes when we live a life free from constant, gnawing pain and the anger it brings. Use that key; unlock your heart and forgive! Freedom is yours!
So now joy keeps me bubbling along on my way to the party!
After stuffing pain for years a sort of paralysis set in and I felt I had become an emotional cripple. Still believing the lie that no one would be able to relate and understand, I let the pain sink into my depths until it became one with me, and I became incapable of feeling anything.
When my children came along I just wanted to be a loving mother and give them all the affection and emotional support they needed; all that I had craved as a child. The only problem was I felt at a loss since I, myself, felt so incapable and empty. I began to cry out to God and ask Him to take away the pain so that I could be all I needed to be for my children.
Do you believe God hears and answers? I have no doubt he heard me that time and many more times after that!
This began a journey of significance for me; it seemed that every time I picked up a magazine and read an article it spoke to my problem and answered a question that was burning in me at the time. Every time I was introduced to a new book it seemed to point right to my need and address my personal issues. I would be watching television and a talk show or documentary would deal with whatever was troubling me. I must say that during this time a battle was raging inside of me; talk about it to a trusted person and lighten the load or keep my mouth shut and allow the pressure to build and inevitably blow! My family stood by and loved me unconditionally, although I made it an almost daily challenge for them. This simply served as a reminder of how my Heavenly Father pours His unconditional love on me and I was humbled by it!
One amazing day when the feelings of hopelessness were almost overwhelming, I ‘accidentally’ flipped to a channel where someone was talking about the need to forgive those who have hurt us.
No, you don’t need to wait for an apology or request for forgiveness; you don’t even have to feel like forgiving the perpetrator(s). It’s a choice you make, then you act on it! In no way is this condoning any wrong committed against you, but it frees the person doing the forgiving. Now, this was not an entirely new concept for me, having heard it preached and taught many times. However, this time my heart was ready, willing and able to make that choice. Then in a very physical manner I went about the actions of ‘burying’ the proverbial hatchet. As the speaker stated repeatedly ‘You hold the key to your own freedom’.
I cannot describe the sensation of being released within myslef and only my life has shown the full result since then. I AM FREE! Nothing can ever convince me otherwise. I read in the Bible where Jesus Himself said ‘Whom the Son sets free is free indeed’. I have no doubt that God heard my desperate plea and sent all I needed into my life at just the right time gently leading me to the place where I was ready to make the right choice when faced with a decision. Now I just want to see others in the midst of a similar struggle see victory in their lives and experience the fullness of joy that comes when we live a life free from constant, gnawing pain and the anger it brings. Use that key; unlock your heart and forgive! Freedom is yours!
So now joy keeps me bubbling along on my way to the party!
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